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3 Ways to Talk to Your Kids If You Want to Lose Parenting Time Points

If you have a pending divorce (dissolution) or child custody case (allocation of parental responsibilities), you’re looking at either reaching an agreement with your soon-to-be ex or having the judge decide for you what will happen. In either case, there are some easy ways to lose points with the opposing party, the judge, and with your kids (at least once they’re old enough to resent you for it). Here are 3 of those ways:

1. Talk poorly of the other parent in front of your child.

They may be the most ruthless, vengeful, dishonest person in your entire sphere, but talking poorly about your ex in front of your child will not change that fact, and, importantly, it won’t win over your child either. Statistically speaking, a child who has witnessed bad-mouthing by one parent against the other will eventually come to resent the bad-mouthing parent for it. In other words, it backfires.

And keep in mind that “talking poorly” doesn’t just include words. If your ex calls the child on the phone and you roll your eyes, if your child mentions your ex and you respond with sarcasm, if your friend or family member bad-mouths the other parent and you laugh along, that counts too. 

Remember that your child identifies with that parent. Your child sees part of themselves in that parent. So when you bad-mouth them (verbally or otherwise), your child may very well internalize that negativity about themselves as well, not just about the other parent.

In addition, almost every parenting plan arrangement will include a provision that prohibits this type of communication, so it’s good practice to start working on it now.

2. Talk poorly of the other parent’s significant other or prod your child for information about them.

One  of the more difficult situations you may encounter is the loss of control you’ll feel when your ex starts dating someone new. Unless the new flame poses a provable risk of physical danger or emotional danger to your child, you cannot dictate who your ex invites into the picture or how they do so. But while it’s important for your child to know they can always safely talk with you, and while it’s a good idea to monitor your child’s mood and behavior once the new someone is introduced, you may lose parenting-time points if you start bad-mouthing the new someone or if you prod your child for information about them. 

For one thing, many judges will interpret this as mere jealousy that ups the conflict--and thus the strain on the child--without any real, substantive complaint about the new person. They may also see this as you not being able to encourage love and affection between the child and the other parent--one of the “best interest” factors judges have to consider. They may also see this as your inability to put the needs of your child above your own, another “best interest” factor. 

In addition, if you prod your child about the new significant other, and especially if you do so using leading questions, you could taint your child’s opinion, memories, and potential testimony if something serious (like a crime against the child) is truly happening and needs to be addressed. If you have these kinds of concerns, the best option is to have your child speak with a school or professional therapist. They are mandatory reporters who will get law enforcement involved if your child discloses any sort of abuse.

3. Ask your young child their opinion.

While one of the “best interest” factors is the wishes of the child, there are many delicate and nuanced rules and guidelines for how that factor may be presented in court, if at all. With very few exceptions, you cannot simply stand up in court and tell the judge that you asked your child what they wanted and they told you. In fact, if you tell the judge that you asked your child, it is more likely that the judge will consider the child’s opinion somewhat tainted at that point.

Children, especially young children, generally want to please the authority figures in their lives, especially their parents. Depending on the way in which questions are posed to them, they may answer completely differently than how they actually feel. Interviewing children so as not to taint their answers is a skill that requires training and experience; it is not one that either parent should attempt. A much better option is to get collateral information from a therapist, doctor, teacher, or Child and Family Investigator.

What Are the Legal Factors for “Best Interests of the Child” in Colorado?

In determining the best interests of the child for purposes of parenting time, Colorado courts consider several factors summarized below: 

1.     The wishes of the child's parents; 

2.     The wishes of the child if he or she is sufficiently mature to express reasoned and independent preferences; 

3.     The interaction and interrelationship of the child with his or her parents, his or her siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child's best interests; 

4.     The child's adjustment to his or her home, school, and community; 

5.     The mental and physical health of all individuals involved, (except disabilities may not form the basis for denying or restricting parenting time); 

6.     The ability of the parties to encourage the sharing of love, affection, and contact between the child and the other party, (except the court won’t hold it against a party if they are acting out of safety concerns for the child, especially in cases where the child has witnessed domestic violence); 

7.     Whether the past pattern of involvement of the parties with the child reflects a system of values, time commitment, and mutual support; 

8.     The physical proximity of the parties to each (for practical concerns like drive time for exchanges, distance to school, etc); 

9.     The ability of each party to place the needs of the child ahead of his or her own needs.

For more information on these factors, see Colorado Revised Statutes §14-10-124.

Can I Modify My Parenting Plan?

So you got your final order from the judge, and now your parenting plan isn’t working out. Is there anything you can do? As with many legal issues, the answer is maybe. 

Under Colorado law, you can request changes to your parenting plan whenever those changes would be in the best interests of the child or children, with a few exceptions. What are the exceptions? Generally speaking, you can’t change child support unless there are new circumstances that, when put into the child support calculator, will result in a change of child support payments by more than 10% (up or down). Also, if you’re asking to change the primary custodial parent, you have to wait two years from the last date a parenting time motion was filed. And keep in mind that, if you were just barely in court and just barely got an order, some judges will simply not want to hear another argument, especially if it’s based on things you already knew about, so you might be ordered to mediate before any proposals will be heard in court.

Some examples of times when the court will hear modifications are, for instance, when a parenting plan for an infant or toddler allotted a significant portion of time to one parent (even though both were fit), and the child is now older and better able to handle more equal parenting time; when a parenting plan was overly specific (e.g., was based on one parent’s job schedule) and the specific situation no longer applies; when a parenting plan was overly generic (e.g. failed to state what time of day exchanges would take place or who would do the transportation) and did not account for specific needs; and similar situations.

If you are happy with your parenting plan, but the other person isn’t following it, that’s a different issue called a parenting time dispute.

For more information on what might constitute a change in the “best interests of the child,” click here or review Colorado Revised Statutes §14-10-124.

Do I Have to File Probate?

In Colorado, Probate must be opened unless the decedent (the person who has died) didn’t own any real property AND owned less than $66,000 in assets OR the decedent held all their assets in a trust. 

If the decedent only owned, for instance, a vehicle, a bank account, and some household items, the total value of which was less than $66,000, then a rightful heir can simply use a form (Collection of Personal Property by Affidavit) plus a valid Death Certificate to re-title the vehicle, collect the bank account contents, and retrieve the household items. That heir, however, is bound to appropriately distribute these assets. That is, if there is a valid Will, that heir must distribute the assets according to the Will. If there is no Will, that heir must distribute the assets according to the laws of intestacy (the laws that dictate who gets what when there is no Will).

If the decedent was the grantor of a trust, and if all their property was listed in the trust AND any property with titles was titled in the name of the trust, then the trustee will simply follow the guidelines written in the trust for the benefit of the beneficiaries, and no probate is needed.

What we often see, however, is that a trust is not fully “funded,” meaning the decedent owned some property that didn’t get titled to the trust and is still titled, say, in the decedent’s name. Unfortunately, this usually means probate must be opened in order to distribute that asset.

If you or a loved one are looking at going through the probate process, we are happy to help guide you through. Please feel free to contact us. You may also find it helpful to review the court’s self-help manuals and resources found here: https://www.courts.state.co.us/Self_Help/estate/.

What is the Difference Between a Conservator and Guardian?

In Colorado, a person may petition a court to appoint a Conservator and/or Guardian for a person who cannot manage their own finances or health. The person who needs help is called a Protected Party or Ward. This might be, for instance, a young child with no parents, a disabled adult, or an elderly person suffering from neurocognitive deficits. 

A Conservator is someone appointed to help manage the Protected Party’s finances, while a Guardian is someone appointed to ensure the Protected Party’s health and wellbeing are being managed appropriately.

Conservators can be appointed on an emergency basis (called a Special Conservatorship), to handle one or a limited number of transactions, or on a regular/ongoing basis. 

Guardians can be apppointed on an emergency basis (called an Emergency Guardianship), to handle a single issue or limited number of issues, or on a regular/ongoing basis. 

Conservators and Guardians may also have limitations, such as only being allowed to manage a certain bank account or to decide housing for the Protected Party, per the court’s discretion.

If you or a loved one are in need of a Conservator or Guardian, we would love to help guide you through that process. Please feel free to contact us. You may also find it helpful to review the court’s self-help manuals and resources found here: https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/SubCategory.cfm?Category=Guardian

What is Probate?

Probate in Colorado is a court process whereby you settle a deceased person’s financial affairs. When someone passes, whether they leave a Will or not, chances are their surviving loved ones will need to go through the probate process in order to re-title or distribute their assets to their heirs. 

There are some exceptions. For instance, if the person didn’t own any real estate and had less than approximately $66,000 (this number fluctuates) in assets, then there are other options. Also, if everything the person owned was held by or titled to a trust, then probate would not be necessary. For everyone else, here is a quick look at the process: 

1. Open Probate: “‘opening” probate means filling out some specific forms and filing them with the appropriate court. As part of this process, you’ll need to nominate a personal representative or “PR” (sometimes called an “executor”). There are laws outlining priorities for who becomes the PR, starting with the person nominated in a valid Will, if there is a Will.

2. Take Inventory & Maintain the Estate: next, the PR will need to do some detective work. They must make sure they understand what all the deceased person owned. This means checking for personal belongings, bank accounts, vehicles, storage facilities, etc. If there is anything that needs maintaining, like a home or vehicle, they will need to take good care of those assets so as not to let their values decrease. They can get reimbursed from the estate for maintenance costs or they can use the estate’s liquid assets to help with this.

3. Notify Creditors: once probate is opened, the PR must let potential creditors know about it. This is done by publishing a specific notice in a major newspaper in the correct jurisdiction once a week for three consecutive weeks. Potential creditors get at least four months to make claims, and some claims can be brought up to a year after the deceased person has passed.

4. Settle the Estate: once the assets are all accounted for and safe, and the deadline for claims has passed, the PR can pay off debts and distribute assets. They will need to follow a specific order of priority for paying debts and will either follow the Will, if there is one, or the laws of intestacy for distributing assets to the rightful heirs. 

5. Close Probate: once all the debts are paid and property distributed to the rightful heirs, the PR will file closing documents with the court and receive a final order discharging them from their duties. The probate process is then complete.

If you or a loved one are looking at going through the probate process, we are happy to help guide you through. Please feel free to contact us. You may also find it helpful to review the court’s self-help manuals and resources found here: https://www.courts.state.co.us/Self_Help/estate/.

Marriage of B.M.

Client’s ex made speculative accusations that got our client’s parenting time restricted. By taking immediate, proactive steps to remedy the situation, we were able to help our client get parenting time restored even before the very first restriction review date.

Marriage of M.F.

Client’s spouse was hiding assets and increasing debt unilaterally. Through a negotiated agreement, we were able to successfully reduce spouse’s share of marital assets and waive alimony on account of these behaviors.

Interest of K.B.

Client’s ex refused to allow child to participate in extracurricular activities, and the previous parenting plan had no provision for the same. Through mediation, we were able to reach a full agreement that remedied this loop-hole in the previous parenting plan.

Marriage of T.M.

Client and spouse had a complex property distribution matter. Through a negotiated settlement, we were able to reach a full agreement, but spouse continually attempted to change the provisions of the same. Through persistence and vigilance, we were able to prevent each said attempt and finally resolve the matter with a partial award of attorney fees on top of the negotiated agreement.

People v. K. T.

Client was charged with DUI and Careless Driving. Client’s BAC was .246. Through client interviewing and investigation, we were able to highlight for the DA holes in the case and our client’s good behavior, resulting in a plea to DWAI and Weaving. The client was able to retain a driver’s license.

Marriage of J.M.

Client and ex were involved in high-conflict post-decree dispute. Our client wanted 50/50 parenting time while ex wanted our client to have only 1-2 overnights per week. With the help of a great Child and Family Investigator, and through a negotiated settlement, we were able to secure 50/50 parenting time for our client.

Marriage of G.W.

Father of child suffered from substance abuse issues. Through a contested hearing, we were able to restrict Father’s parenting time while he seeks treatment. Through settlement negotiations, we also reached a full agreement for when the restriction is lifted, saving the parties significant costs on attorney fees and court expenses.

Marriage of A.T.

Father was extremely abusive and controlling to both our client and their shared children. Through a Child and Family Investigator and a contested hearing, we were able to secure nearly full custody to our client and paternal grandmother, ensuring that Father’s parenting time was wholly supervised at all times.

Interest of K.O.

Client’s grandchild was born premature and incurred major medical expenses. Grandchild’s parents could not qualify for government assistance but neither could they afford health insurance. Through an emergency (and regular) guardianship and special (and regular) conservatorship, we were able to appoint client as guardian and conservator such that client’s health insurance covered the child, saving the parties significant medical costs.

People v. O. O.

Client was charged with Third Degree Assault as an Act of Domestic Violence and Child Abuse-Knowing/Reckless-No Injury. Through negotiations with the DA, we were able to get a plea to Telephone Harassment as an Act of Domestic Violence, and the client was allowed to do probation from another state.

People v. H. I.

Client was charged with Third Degree Assault and Obstruction of Telephone Service both as Acts of Domestic Violence. Through review and investigation, we were able to show the DA that this was a case of self-defense. We got the charges completely dismissed.

People v. T. M.

Client had multiple charges and was facing a license revocation and up to two years in jail with no offer from the DA..Through client interviews and negotiations with the DA, we were able to get the client a probation offer and all driving charges pled to zero-point, non-moving violations, so that the client retained a driver’s license.

Estate of B.H.

Client and brother were involved in dispute regarding distribution of assets from their mother’s estate. We were able to successfully navigate a fair buyout for our client while avoiding significant costs of litigation.